Burch: A not-so-super majority

Thursday, November 29, 2012 at 10:05pm
By Michael R. Burch

According to Tennessee conservatives, the silver lining in the very dark cloud of the recent national elections has been the creation of a “supermajority” of Republicans at the state level. So now, they would have us believe, conservatives will be able to guide the ship of state away from the dangerous reefs and shoals of liberalism. But what if the ship is being steered away from modernity, basic science and common sense, by a confederacy of dunces? Here are some of the more moronic things many members of the “supermajority” seem to accept as gospel truths:

Like evolution, global warming is “untrue.” Never mind that polar ice caps and glaciers are melting and sea levels are rising. God is in control and frets constantly about human sexual relationships, so the best way to avoid floods and other natural disasters is to keep gays from marrying.

Non-heterosexuals should be denied the right to marry and should not be protected from discrimination in the workplace because God “hates” homosexuality (even though Jesus Christ never said a single word about homosexuality, according to the Bible).

People should be allowed to “pack heat” in bars, restaurants, parks, parking lots and presumably schools, kindergartens and day care centers. Never mind that conservative legislators and judges would toss us in the hoosegow if we showed up with loaded weapons at their legislative plazas and courtrooms. Politicians and judges obviously deserve much more protection than innocent children and their mothers.

Fertilization is not a biological process but the result of Divine manipulation. Therefore, if young girls are the victims of rape, they should be forced to carry and bear their rapists’ babies, even at the risk of their lives, health and sanity, so as to not thwart God’s will.

Since only God can make decisions about fertilization, pregnancy and birth, the use of contraceptives is a “sin.” This is the official position not only of the Roman Catholic Church but also increasingly of lunatic-fringe evangelicals as well. The “logic” is pretty simple: if it is a “sin” to keep a fertilized egg from dividing, it stands to reason that it is also a “sin” to prevent an egg from becoming fertilized in the first place. After all, who are human beings to overrule God in such matters?

A just-fertilized egg has exactly the same rights as a fully developed human being with 100 trillion cells (give or take), despite the fact that without a brain and nervous system an embryo cannot think or feel pain. Since a fertilized egg is a person, females must become slaves to nature and their reproductive organs, in a return to the Dark Ages.

Even though conservatives do not want government to provide financial aid to poor mothers and their children, Planned Parenthood must be defunded, which means many more unwanted babies will be born to poor girls and women, increasing poverty, drug abuse and crime.

State governments can always do everything better than the federal government, so we should have 50 FEMAs, 50 FDAs, 50 EPAs, etc.

Business can always do everything better than either the federal or state governments, so we should return to the unregulated nation-bankrupting ways of the George W. Bush era.

While the war with Iraq was fought on false premises, we should attack Iran for exactly the same reason: weapons that do not exist and could not be used if they did.

I could go on, but hopefully I’ve made my point. The divine Oscar Wilde once said that the only sin is stupidity. I find it hard to imagine leaders any stupider than George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry and Mitt Romney. And yet they are the stars of the Republican universe. Here in Tennessee, we have legislators who are every bit as zany. How do such dimwits end up with so much power? We, the people, keep electing them, to our shame.

Will our supermajority of dunces steer Tennesseans to safe harbors or run us aground? I am reminded of the chorus of a Harry Chapin song: “The dance band on the Titanic played ‘Nearer, God, to Thee.’ ”

Michael R. Burch is a Nashville-based editor and publisher of Holocaust poetry and other “things literary” at www.thehypertexts.com.

180 Comments on this post:

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 1:02

Mike, The dunces elected Barack Hussein Obama,so why should not dunces control Tenn government.

This obviously is a dunce filled country.

One cannot help but. remember the words of a caddy seversl years ago. "Is you don't has a dollar you is going to holler"

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 2:30

Ras-Putin,

Barack Obama is not advocating defunding Planned Parenthood because God controls contraception, nor is he preventing gay marriage because God is a bigot and and homophobe.

The Duncaid is the GOP, which has become the American version of the Taliban.

By: Captain Nemo on 11/30/12 at 4:09

Ratputin has his head up his man hole again, but that is the norm. Let the Big Rat Naw

By: Captain Nemo on 11/30/12 at 4:50

With the states Republicans doing what they think God wants Tennessee to be, then we should have nothing to worry about. Everything is Sunny in Tennessee. Right?

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 6:23

Confederacy of dunces

Never have so many been described so accurately with so few words!

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 6:33

The dunces are everywhere. The only salvation is the almighty dollar.

Only through the dollar can there be eternal life.

Hip,Hip Hooray for the dollar.

By: Loner on 11/30/12 at 6:36

Good morning, Nashville.

Again, another fine missive from Nashville's own Mike Burch...thank you, Mike.

The Tea-baggers may be in retreat elsewhere in the US, but in the former confederacy, their future looks bright.

A Tea-bagger super-majority in Tennessee promises to make the Volunteer State the butt of many future national jokes....these are the folks who wanted to print up TN state currency, right? The secession petition has lots of TN signatures; the slackjaws have been emboldened.

TN needs its own national anthem, how about the theme from Deliverance? The Tea-baggers are gonna make the liberals in Tennessee squeal like pigs......YEE HAWW!!

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 6:39

Raspy, I always knew you were a heathen...at least you're an honest one.

You should start a church, then you would be able to evade even more taxes, which, according to your god, is divine.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 6:41

The joke, Loner, is that for all the Conservative rhetoric, states-rights mumbo jumbo they spew, they are on bended knee to the Feds at every turn. They only sanction limited government when the other guy is in power.

Dunces, indeed.

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 7:07

Thanks, Gdiafante on behalf. of all the heathens who have paid millions and millions andmore into the financial salvation of the 47%, we thank you for your skewed. religous remarks

Never has the IRS found the slightest evidence of fraud.

Being a heathen is not always an indication of fraud. Heathens come in all sizes. Most of the heathens are dreaming of living like the heathens they wish they were.

I think you are a very sincere liberal and I. respect your point of view sometimes with great empathy.

To the "Simple Six" I. find their low income remarks as nothing more than heathenistic envy.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 7:17

I'm a heathen too, raspy. I don't bow to the alter of money, nor to the alter of any imaginary robed deity. I don't bow. Bad back...years of high impact activity...it's manageable though...through science. That's my church.

By the way, it's only fraud if you're caught...right? lol

By: Loner on 11/30/12 at 7:19

"Low income remarks"? And the Rasp graces the board with high income remarks?

One can recognize a "high income remark" by the telltale odor of Grey Poupon....the Rasp's remarks are of the highest caliber....strictly upper crust.....top shelf.

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 7:23

Gdiafante........If it is fraud in my mind, it is fraud.

I am a self-centered bastard and a disciple of survival of the fittest but fraud is not my calling.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 7:29

So, by your logic, if you've convinced yourself it's not fraud, it must not be. Interesting...Rationalizing that behavior is probably an indication of a more severe condition, but I'm not qualified to hand out diagnoses. I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 7:29

LONER........High income remarks are certainly not very prevalent on this forum. If you think my remarks have an odor you should hear the remarks of my club members in Nashville and Florida. You might even think that I had a humanitarian bent.

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 7:33

Gdiafante.....My long career of chasing the dollar has convinced me that "what is perceived is real"

Any attempt to change that perception is a waste of energy 99 times out of 100.

I will leave it at that.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 7:41

I'm not trying to convince you of anything, Raspy. I'm just pointing out the flaws in your logic, as I'm sure there are probably flaws in mine. We all fall short, do we not?

We're human...at least I think.

By: Kosh III on 11/30/12 at 7:57

Rasp said:
" disciple of survival of the fittest"

One more for the dunces: they deny evolution but firmly embrace Social Darwinism in all aspects of life.

"The only salvation is the almighty dollar.
Only through the dollar can there be eternal life.
Hip,Hip Hooray for the dollar."

"Love of money is the root of all evil" St Paul

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 8:04

Kosh. You got the wrong bastatd. I do believe in evolution and of course anything else that allows me to live the "good lice"

I think the "love of money" when you have none begets evil.

By: Blanketnazi2 on 11/30/12 at 8:06

Ray has evolved from The Nations to swindling people out of money and finding a free place to live.

By: Blanketnazi2 on 11/30/12 at 8:08

Ray is so bitter about growing up poor that he has to pretend to be rich so he can show distain for the poor - still some sort of self loathing thing. It's sad and more than a tad pathetic. Say HI to Joy!

By: bfra on 11/30/12 at 8:14

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 8:04

Kosh. You got the wrong bastatd. I do believe in evolution and of course anything else that allows me to live the "good lice"
ith the login page? I can't login
============================================
Slobbering all that grey poupon all over yourself might be the cause of "lice" Take a bath!

By: Blanketnazi2 on 11/30/12 at 8:16

Lice was a common affliction in The Nations, I hear.

By: Rasputin72 on 11/30/12 at 8:27

Yes indeed, but one must remember that there are human lice and they appear on this forum as the "Simple Six"

By: Blanketnazi2 on 11/30/12 at 8:28

And some of them appear as lying con men who pretend to be a wealthy, accomplished individual.

By: bfra on 11/30/12 at 8:33

Raspy's evny of Loner increases with ever well presented comment Loner makes.

By: bfra on 11/30/12 at 8:35

Blanket - He isn't even a "good" con man, can't keep his lies consistant.

By: PKVol on 11/30/12 at 8:44

"I find it hard to imagine leaders any stupider than George W. Bush, Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry and Mitt Romney."

I find it hard to believe that an implied intellectual, as this writer presumably thinks he is, would use the word 'stupider'. A true intellectual would know that ‘more stupid’ is the intelligent way to express this thought.

I guess he is really no more intellegent that the ones he bashes with childish name-calling in this op-ed piece. By the way, remember opiniions are like sphincters, everyone has one and most of them stink.

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 8:45

Nemo,

The problem is that the dunces think God is a Dunce and a Bigot .

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 8:47

As would a true intellectual know that the word opinion only has two i's.

By: dargent7 on 11/30/12 at 8:47

Mike left off another "biggie": Hound and embarrass Bill Clinton for an affair.
Impeach nim and dis bar him.
After all, he did what 99% of all men, the President notwithstanding, is LIE when caught in an affair.
But, the Republican clowns, who half are screwing their staffers while married, had the santimonious gall to say, "He lied!".
Then give a pass to Bush, Cheney & Co. who all LIED about Iraq, knowingly.
And spend $ 1 trillion and kill 4,500 Americans in the process.
Yes, it's the same thing to a Republican brain.
Guess what? In CA we recycle GLASS and grass clippings and leaves.. all yard waste.
In what year will Tenn. get curbside glass recycling? 2050.

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 8:49

Loner,

The silver lining in the dark cloud for Tennesseans is the tinkling of all the money late-night comedians will make at our expense. Perhaps the millions they earn by making fun of the religion-besotted country bumpkins will help keep the economy afloat.

By: BenDover on 11/30/12 at 8:51

What an absolute load of crap. I thought Burch was supposed to go away after the election.

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 8:58

Rasputin,

Christians who believe in evolution are an oxy-moron, because if animals suffered and died before human beings evolved, Adam and Eve cannot be guilty of "original sin" and suffering and death entering the world. Thus, the Creator is responsible for creating a flawed world, full of suffering and death. Thus, God would not need to redeem man. It would be the other way around. Orthodox Christianity falls apart if there was not a perfect garden of Eden where Adam and Eve lived in eternal happiness until they "sinned."

But of course there never was a garden of Eden, and animals did suffer and die before man existed, so the all-wise, all-powerful God of Christianity is a myth, like Zeus.

If there is a Creator, he might be a genius at math and physics, but a failure at biology.

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 8:59

BenDover,

Does the truth sting a little? This is how religion-mad conservatives "think." I'm sure it is embarrassing to people who vote for them.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 9:00

Well, Mike, did you read this?

http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/11/29/pat-robertson-challenges-creationism/?hpt=hp_c2

By: Blanketnazi2 on 11/30/12 at 9:01

I saw that on reddit, g!

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 9:07

I think Mike exaggerates sometimes, but the basic message of this post is correct. The leaders of the GOP are dimwitted, to say the least and misguided most of the time. Palin, Bachmann, Perry...yes, even Ben's man-crush Bush...the elevators don't go all the way to the top.

Now, in relation to our fine state...they're perfectly normal...no one really put a bill forth to establish Tennessee's own currency...or a saggy pants bill...

Nothing to see here, folks...

By: BenDover on 11/30/12 at 9:10

Burch... every point you make is easily refutable as either wrong or a misrepresentation of main-stream Republican views.

You are so prolific in your perpetual diarrhea of left leaning anti-Christian bile though that it has become tedious to continue to refute you; and besides, doing so in this forum is just squirting lube on an already frenzied circle-jerk of blindered lib donkeys, so what's the fun in that anymore?

Keep feeding your followers your liberal pap, and your anti-Christian chum and your race-baiting cud if you like... it's evidently the in thing to do anymore.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 9:14

Here's a newsflash, Ben. If you don't like it, don't read it. I'd rather read his obvious slant than your childish whining about it any day of the week.

By: dargent7 on 11/30/12 at 9:14

Another tell tale sign of a Republican: guy nit-picks whether "more stupid" is grammatically correct vs. "stupider". Kind of like "is it dumb, or dumber?"
Who gives a shit?
Never mind Mike's point is well intentioned and correct.
Palin, Bachmann, Perry and all those who think "being gay" is a choice, and can be "corrected", are complete idiots and unfit for public office. And running for President?
Republicans want and need to "get 'ya" on a technicality missing the entire vald point.
It's a DNA defect and an illnes common among all in their collective gene pool..

By: bfra on 11/30/12 at 9:15

Translation - Ben doesn't have anything to offer except yogi style trash, so he bashes Burch.

By: dargent7 on 11/30/12 at 9:17

Wow! "pap", "chum", and "cud".....wouldn't saying, "crap" have handled it?

By: BenDover on 11/30/12 at 9:19

I had already used 'crap' and I didn't want to be redundant, d'arge.

By: BenDover on 11/30/12 at 9:21

I didn't childishly whine until Burch called me out, GD.

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 9:22

Kosh,

You said: "One more for the dunces: they deny evolution but firmly embrace Social Darwinism in all aspects of life."

I agree, but of course the Dunciad are not the fittest, as they like to "think" (I use the term loosely). The more evolved human beings are the ones whose hearts and brains are fully functional. The brains of the Dunciad don't work on all cylinders. They are like tiny, sputtering Yugos compared to the finely tuned Rolls Royces of people like FDR, JFK, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama.

What the Dunciad are best at is bigotry, anger and violence. Such things work in the jungle, where the fiercest predators look for other animals with slight differences, then lash out and destroy them. The same alpha males look for females to dominate and force to have their babies, perpetuating their genes. This is why the Dunciad think girls who are raped should be forced to bear their rapists' babies, probably.

The Dunciad lives by the law of the jungle: alpha males rule by dominating and attacking anyone who stands in their path to the next meal (now money) or sexual tryst. Anyone who challenges their authority is met with bared fangs (now blazing guns). This is why they bow down to the NRA and worship its god, the Gun.

Everything about the Dunciad makes sense, if we realize that they hate equality with a passion. This is why they ethnically cleansed Native Americans and owned slaves. This is why they fought a Civil War rather than free the slaves. This is why they invited 911 by funding and supporting Israel's ethnic cleansing of Palestinians.

They have cost peace-loving Americans who believe in equality trillions, and thousands of lives. If we add the dead on the other side, including 500,000 children who starved to death in Iraq before the war due to economic sanctions, they have probably killed more than a million people, directly or indirectly.

Now they want to enslave the 99%, and while they are D students in most other areas, they understand religion enough to use it to get the votes of religion-mad hayseeds. If we can somehow educate Tennesseans to see the flaws in their "logic" perhaps we can win future elections and watch them go the way of the dinosaurs. That is the purpose of many of my columns.

By: gdiafante on 11/30/12 at 9:25

Your first post today:

What an absolute load of crap. I thought Burch was supposed to go away after the election.

Translation: Waah...I don't like him and he should just go home. He's not invited to my tea party.

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 9:25

gdifante,

If Robertson believes in evolution he cannot be a Christian, since Christianity is based on the idea that the earth was created "perfect" and Adam and Eve were immortal, along with all the animals, until they "sinned."

Evolution is incompatible with the idea that human beings have to be redeemed by God because they ruined his perfect creation.

By: BenDover on 11/30/12 at 9:26

I will take the time to (again) respond to Burch's latest lode in toto if the editors will agree to publish the response along-side Burch's next rant in the next print version of the paper. (Assuming this paper is still going to the presses, though I must admit that I really don't know if that is the case or not).

By: Mike Burch on 11/30/12 at 9:28

gdifante,

The tea baggers want to throw Equality overboard, along with anyone who believes in Equality. So I'm sure I would end up in the drink, if their temper tantrums give them control of the federal government. But after the last election that seems unlikely. So they will probably just spew venom and try to sink the Tennessee ship of state with their stupidity .