Suburban Turmoil: Porn star mommy

Thursday, July 30, 2009 at 12:00am

Everyone knows a mom will do just about anything to feed her family.

Some mothers make ends meet by working from home while their kids sleep. Other moms wait tables or teach school or take on freelance jobs.

And some moms just make porn.

Adult film star Demi Delia is hoping her new Web series, Mommy XXX, will convince viewers to look past her grotesquely swollen lips, basketball-sized breasts and Juvederm injections, and see just another mom doing whatever (or whomever) it takes to provide for her two teenage kids.

I learned about Demi, billed as a “soccer mom who can handle her balls,” after receiving an e-mail promoting her new show.

Hi Lindsay, it read. As a mom, you know it’s tough to juggle a career and a family life. Sony TV’s new web series Mommy XXX follows Demi Delia, a single mom and porn star.

I’ve been pitched a lot of things, but never a porn star. Intrigued, I checked out the Web site and watched several Mommy XXX episodes. I’m pretty open-minded, but Mommy XXX was repulsive, even by my admittedly low TV standards.

In one episode, Demi Delia goes in for her eleventh boob job, despite her children’s protestations. Afterward, her manager complains that her beach ball bosoms are still not big enough. In another episode, she shoots a sex scene in her home, on the family sofa. Ewww! And in a third episode, she takes her teenagers to a porn star party, where scantily clad, Barbie-like blondes jockey for position in front of the camera.

At one point, her 19-year-old son gives his take on Mom’s career.

“Porn stars are just disgusting people. They have no morals,” he says. “I mean, I can speak. I know… They’re just nasty. They carry diseases… I hate porn stars.”

Watching Mommy XXX, I had to wonder, if Demi Delia felt the same fierce protectiveness for her children that I feel for mine, how on earth could she expose them to the porn industry at such a young age? What’s more, how could she allow them to participate in a tasteless Web cast about it?

I decided to send Demi Delia an e-mail, asking if she could answer a few questions for me, mom-to-mom. She agreed.

When I asked Demi why she thought moms would be interested in supporting a Web cast about a porn star, she insisted that her life wasn’t all that different from mine.

“I am a regular mother just like everyone else,” she wrote. “There is a person behind the ‘Pornstar’ and they are just like you and me, they have kids, families, bills and they go through lifes struggles just like everyone else only most of the time being judged.”

Demi made it seem like she was a real life Hester Prynne, bravely making her way through angry mobs of stone-throwing suburbanites.

“I had one experience where one of my daughters girlfriends was no longer allowed to come over to our home because her mother saw me on a Cinemax movie,” she wrote. “She printed out photos that she found from an appearance that my ex husband [“porn legend” Randy Spears] and I took with a couple of fans from the internet. She wrote terrible things about us and announced to the neighborhood that we lived in the area. This was very disturbing that someone could be so cruel (an adult) would do that.”

But while Demi was trying to come off as a silicone-enhanced Donna Reed, I guess I’d seen too much of the Web cast to take her seriously. Even with cameras rolling, there were no heart-to-hearts with her kids to be seen. No groundings. No redeeming hugs. No real mothering whatsoever.

Instead, Demi sat around drinking, smoking, primping and comparing chest size with her porn star friends. In fact, now that I think about it, Demi Delia is one of the worst mothers I’ve ever seen. And the fact that she’s actually profiting off of being a bad mother nauseates me.

But hey. Maybe there was some small nugget of wisdom I could glean from Demi’s sordid tale. My final question to her was simple.

“What advice do you have for moms who are thinking of getting into the porn business?” I asked. “How should they explain their new career to their children?”

“My advice is don’t get into the adult industry, I feel there is no career anymore in it,” Demi wrote back. “Unless you are one of the few picked to be a contract girl it is a short lived career. It’s not worth it! If plan A was be a pornstar, go with plan B.”

Sorry, ladies. The career pool for struggling mothers just got a little bit smaller.

Read more of Lindsay’s columns at www.suburbanturmoil.com

30 Comments on this post:

By: slzy on 7/30/09 at 12:38

how many women [or men] are having sex with the boss to stay on the payroll?

By: zaftig chicks on 7/30/09 at 8:39

Damn, there goes my brilliant back up plan to be a stay at home mom, and do MILF porn on the side!!

zaftigchicks.wordpress.com
(Not porn)

By: mandiegirl on 7/30/09 at 8:56

Ick! I don't have kids, but you'd better believe that if I did, I'd do anything else I had to to support them. I think it's a selfish thing, and am glad that her son gets that and doesn't think that it's normal.

http://mandiesmumblings.blogspot.com

By: SoMo on 7/30/09 at 8:58

I feel sorry that her son has that impression of his mother.

Also, I am so sick of this "we shouldn't judge" business. Without judgement we allow ourselves to do whatever we want no matter who it hurts and then justify the actions by demonizing others who protest.. And this "career" path has clearly hurt her children. While I disagree withe the way the one neighbor handled the situation, I would have not allowed my children over at her house, either.

I am sorry, I don't think I could relate to her, I have never had a boob job & people are not forbidding their children from my house because of seeing me having sex on TV. Maybe I am just in the minority?

By: Shannonwn on 7/30/09 at 9:41

Lindsay, wow. I love that you took the time to give her the benefit of the doubt and ask her some questions. I think everyone has the right to make their own choices, (when they are single) but I feel it is wrong to involve kids and put their lives out there for the public to view in the context of your choices, especially dodgy choices!

Shannon
http://perkupinaminute.blogspot.com/

By: Kosh III on 7/30/09 at 9:51

'I would have not allowed my children over at her house, either."

Why blame the kids? Maybe you and your kids could have provided a positive and helpful place for the kids to go; your goodness might rub off. But nooooooooo.....

By: Sincerely_Jenni on 7/30/09 at 9:56

Wow. I read your blog post, and had to come over here and read this for myself. I can understand the feeling of "doing whatever it takes for survival" but that doesn't mean she needs to broadcast it. I think thats where the line was crossed. If she feels this is the only line of work she can get in order to support her family, then so be it. BUT, where she goes overboard is the necessity to broadcast it to all of us.

Shame on the PR people for thinking all of us mommybloggers are so naive that we will promote anything, and shame on Demi Delia for--well, just for everything. lol

Jenni
Sincerely Jenni: http://sincerelyjenni.blogspot.com

By: Ellehcim220 on 7/30/09 at 10:26

It's so natural and easy (I sound like a hair coloring product placement, I know) for us to justify our actions and feel judged by others' opinions. I thought her comment about being the same as you except for being judged all the time was fascinating. We should feel judged when we commit inexcusable acts. As other commenters have noted, this is especially true when your actions harm your children.

Unacceptable. I am resisting the urge to go straight to Demi's site and watch the webcasts, just to be further horrified. Thanks for sharing - I feel very confident that there is zero chance I will ever be the world's worst mom now!

Sarah
http://memoriesblogger.wordpress.com

By: kateberrio on 7/30/09 at 10:55

yeesh and i was feeling a little guilty about wanting to monetize my blog.

there's doing whatever it takes to pay the bills and then there's being a giant pornstar and exposing your children to a life that is demeaning to women, rampant with std's not to mention just the general ick factor. i hate to be Judgie Judgemental here, but this seems to be crossing a line for me...

and i think you hit it on the nose-- it's not just the porn star thing, cause well, i guess we all have to do what we have to do... but being a sucky mom on top of that? not cool, really not cool.

www.bananainmyhair.blogspot.com

By: Carolyn_Cue_the... on 7/30/09 at 10:57

I never leave comments, but I have to back up most of these. I couldn't agree more with Ellechim220 & SoMo. The over-sexualization of women (and men) is becoming second nature in this society and our fear of speaking against it because we are "judging" is ironically backwards.

Ah... remember back in the day when an ankle drove a guy nuts? And I've got some damn fine ankles, my friend.

Carolyn @ http://cuethebanjo.blogspot.com

By: NoReturnMom on 7/30/09 at 11:36

I was almost rooting for DD (coincidence?) to have some sort of story for which I could feel compassion. A strategy for how she does the porn thing to pay the bills but nonetheless shields her children and manages to teach them values despite working in an industry entirely devoid of them (which at least her teenage son has picked up on). She, however, seems oblivious to so, so many things.

Deb B.
www.spawnocalypse.com

By: chainsofyesterday on 7/30/09 at 11:46

Overall, I have zero problems with porn stars. If it's what they want to do, what they have to do, or whatever... okay, it's their life. But after reading how her kids are exposed to it (teenagers or not, I'm not okay with that), and how they feel about it - yeah, I don't think so.
Sorry, but if the kids come first? Then their feelings and opinions should be taken into account. I was honestly surprised that you took such a harsh stance on this, until I read the article (and I haven't even watched the show yet - don't know if I will). Now, I can see why.
A mom who has young kids and does this to pay the bills, keeping it a separate part of her life is one thing. But this? No way.
Maybe I wouldn't have allowed my kids over to her house, but I'd certainly like to think I'd welcome her kids into my own home, even if just to give them an escape to somewhere "normal".
Kay @ chainsofyesterday.com

By: LindsayFerrier on 7/30/09 at 12:04

I honestly tried to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, but watching the show, it absolutely feels like she's using her kids to promote herself as a porn/ reality TV star.

And that's nauseating.

By: hattahall on 7/30/09 at 1:39

I would think that being a porn star would be something you keep separate from your home life. I can't hate on someone for that career choice. It’s not for me, but if it were it defiantly wouldn't be something I'd bring home to do on my sofa. On another note I honestly feel if she is raking in the dough she'd best pay a sitter so her kids would have a safe place to be while she networked with her fellow porn cohorts. Maybe it is a prejudiced way to think; my hypothesis that porn stars are sexual deviants and that exposure to them may cause harm to her child may not be valid, but that is how I feel.
hattahall.blogspot.com

By: Catherine Clare on 7/30/09 at 1:44

It is okay to be raw (and I say that in the raw sense that you are Lindsay), but come on people...."Mommy" should be nowhere near the letters XXX. I agree that those family oriented companies should drop her like the bad habit she is! We, as mommies, are supposed to be leading examples for our childrens' futures and I just wish you would have asked Mommy XXX what she would do if her daughter chooses to follow in her footsteps. After all, she makes it seem so natural and innocent!!!

I anticipate your blogs each week Lindsay; you truly make my day brighter when I read what you have to say! My family is pretty ordinary but check us out if you wish (and if ordinary keeps me from being Mommy XXX, then I'm good for it)...
ccwhill.blogspot.com

Catherine Clare

By: aflammang on 7/30/09 at 2:42

WOW. And I thought it was grating to hear Gwyneth Paltrow say she's "Just a regular mom."
I haven't watched it (and most certainly won't), but this sounds like the sort of show that a lot of other people enjoy as a kind of tawdry sideshow. But it just depresses the hell out of me.

Audra, Arkansas

http://fourjugs.com

By: thebloggingmum on 7/30/09 at 2:57

I don't care that she is a porn star- but is it really necessary to film scenes on the family's couch? If it's really her day job then she needs a separate space. Work and home need to be kept separate, even if it's just a set in the garage. Some place the kids don't go.
~melanie
http://thebloggingmum.blogspot.com

By: dgurrie on 7/30/09 at 6:07

Oh my gosh...I am disturbed. Probably as much as the "octomom" who will get paid (and her children will get paid) to have their lives sprawled on TV. But this is just gross. Obviously her lifestyle has affected her children - it couldn't be more clear. I feel so sorry for them to have to endure her.

Very sad.
Dani
www.tots2tweens.com

By: christenExpecting on 7/30/09 at 6:24

Wow. She's concerned someone in the neighborhood spread the word that she's a porn star? Maybe she shouldn't be in the entertainment industry, then. I think it's sick what she's doing, especially if her son feels so against her profession. I don't know what I would do if my son told me that I was dirty and probably carried diseases...

-Christen

christenexpecting.blogspot.com

By: Marjorie.R on 7/30/09 at 6:28

It can be very difficult for children to figure out sex and relationships. If they are a part of a family involved in pornography, it would be that much more difficult--and certainly full of problematic ideas about the exploitation of women. Having all of that played out on tv for the rest of our entertainment would seem extraordinarily more difficult. At the very least, this is certainly an uncomfortable show to hear about. I'm not interested in seeing it.

In terms of pornography in general, I am torn between wanting to support a person's right to do what she wishes to make money with the terrible degradation and exploitation of women that is too often involved. And that affects all the rest of us.

Marjorie at 280main.com

By: misagracie on 7/30/09 at 8:15

Holy moly - I have always figured that like movie stars, adult entertainers (porn, stripper, whatever) had a real side. I mean, it could be all bow-chicka-bow-wow all the time, could it? This however, sounds horribly like a mother exploiting her children for profit. John and Kate but without John and with more T&A. Gross. I feel sorry for the adult relationship images that her kids are subjected to and how it is going to affect their relationships as they grow. If she was honest and just wanted to be a porn star on the web, it's her choice, but she's using her status as a mother as her unique 'hook'. Ew.

You rock Lindsay!
Melissa @ www.drivingamericacrazy.com

By: amyc35 on 7/30/09 at 8:49

That is just a sad commentary on someone thinking that she is just like all the other mommies.

http://growingupandtryingtogetitright.wordpress.com/

By: chainsofyesterday on 7/31/09 at 12:10

Okay, Lindsay, I went and watched the show. Because as much as I disliked the idea just based on the interview, I thought I should at least WATCH before slamming her.

Yep, you were 100% right. I just wanted to hug her kids and smack the hell out of her. I thought I despised the idea before? Not even close to what I'm feeling now. She's a porn star that happens to have kids, instead of a mom who happens to be a porn star. Big difference in my book.

Watching it actually left me speechless, and with a bad taste in my mouth. Ugh. I really hope, for the kids' sake, that this doesn't last much longer.

By: TakingChargeMom on 7/31/09 at 7:31

As a new mom, I often feel overwhelmed with thoughts of, "Am I doing this right? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not? What else should I be doing to shape him for the future?"

After reading this article, I can breath a sigh of relief. At least I'm not a porn star pretending to care about my kids. How sad.

http://takingchargemom.wordpress.com/

By: azmommy06 on 7/31/09 at 9:33

That is just no right. I am 100% on board with what you said on your blog. However, I am never able to leave a comment over there. I will blame it on the network restrictions I have at work.

http://azmommy.blogspot.com/

By: liberty on 7/31/09 at 10:20

How MUCH therapy will those poor children need in order to recover from their childhood.

So so sad...I feel the where do yu start cloud starting to overwhelm my normally succint opinion.

As for Nabisco, Kraft, etc..I don't think for one minute that they ACTUALLY care about families or values - owned by mega-agri-business companies (ADM/Monsanto) they are really only interested in the bottom line. I doubt if their CEO's even even their own products...

Liberty
www.16ballsintheair.blogspot.com

By: fourvaughns on 7/31/09 at 12:43

I searched @SuburbanTurmoil yesterday on Twitter after you sent out a tweet looking for good seafood places in Destin(I wanted to know where to go to, lol)....wow. Girl, you were catching some Twitter hate over this article.

Good for you for having the guts to tell it how you see it.

Kv
fourvaughns.blogspot.com

By: Kristina1011 on 7/31/09 at 1:48

I think you are spot-on with this one. If someone wants to be a porn star, whatever, it's America. But to subject your children to ANY of it while they are of any age, let alone INCREDIBLY impressionable teenagers, is sickening. Those poor kids. My idea of "doing whatever it takes to support my children" does not include 11 boob jobs. Sickening. I hope people boycott this disgusting show.
And I'll be honest Lindsay, I don't always see exactly eye to eye with you (although I love your writing), but I am de-lurking to say I agree with you 110% on this one!

mylessoninhumility.blogspot.com

By: rubberbacon on 7/31/09 at 7:37

Gross! Bringing this kind of work home is beyond words. I will not even bother to visit her website - just gross.

http://sprocketswife.blogspot.com/

By: Elisa on 8/3/09 at 5:54

oh.my.god.

I thought I had received the most obnoxious pitches of all time, but this takes the cake. Despicable, is all I can say.