Ask Amy

Wednesday, June 17, 2009 at 1:20am

DEAR AMY: My very good friend just got engaged. I always thought I would be selected as her maid of honor, and the bride had hinted at it too.

Instead of me, the bride chose her cousin and another very good friend of ours, "Rhonda," to be her joint maids of honor.

The bride said that she felt Rhonda very much wanted the role of maid of honor, and that she didn't want to deal with any potential anger from her if she had chosen me.

I had always wanted to be chosen, but I never said it outright because I didn't want to pressure the bride.

I feel as if my friend always gives in to Rhonda to keep her happy.

The bride said it was a very tough decision for her, and she still wants me involved in all of the wedding planning.

Should I tell the bride my feelings are hurt or should I keep my mouth shut?

Should I actively involve myself in the planning or should I wait for an invitation from the maids of honor?

— M.D.

DEAR M.D.: Your friend is already gumming up her wedding by choosing two maids of honor, one of whom she appears to be afraid of.

(I'm already working on the script of this scenario for a film I'm tentatively calling "Maids of Horror.")

Use of the singular form in the designation "maid of honor" implies that only one maid will receive the honor of pushing the bride down the aisle.

The bride in question already made her choice and explained it to you. After choosing two maids, her second mistake was to ask a third person (you) to be involved in the wedding planning.

Don't go there. Rhonda got there first, and life is too short to tangle with bridesmaid bullies over party planning.

Let your friend assign you to be keeper of the guest book. This is an underappreciated honor, and a great way to meet guys.


DEAR AMY: Recently, I took my 10-year-old niece to the mall.

We were getting in the car when I noticed a little boy of around 4 or 5 years old get out of a car and stand by the bushes.

He was in plan view.

His mother walked over to the boy and pulled his pants down (all the way) and he started urinating.

I could not believe my eyes.

I said to her, "Don't you think that's rude? There is a bathroom right inside the store to the left."

The grandpa started yelling at me, cussing me out and calling me rude words.

The mother said I was a pervert for watching.

I replied that I had my 10-year-old niece in the car and she does not need to see that. The mother and the grandpa kept yelling at me.

I was so shocked!

Was I wrong to speak?

— Still Shocked

DEAR SHOCKED: Let's stipulate that 5-year-old boys don't always give much notice when they have to "go."

But I completely agree with you that this family displayed poor manners. They are also volatile.

It would have been fine for you merely to let the family know that there was a bathroom just inside the store (this might have been their first visit).

In addition to their rudeness, it was ill-mannered of you to call them rude to their faces and in front of their child — especially when you could have highlighted their violation through your own polite concern.

It's also a little scary to tangle with volatile strangers, especially when you have a young child in the car with you.

Dealing with this sort of behavior is what mall cops are for.


DEAR AMY: On the topic of families "partying" at cemeteries, this Memorial Day at Arlington National Cemetery I observed several family groupings around tombstones.

It was raining and they had put up lawn chairs and proceeded to have a family reunion of sorts.

They were very orderly — some food was passed around but no alcoholic beverages. I think this kind of gathering is fine — but no beer and no sitting on tombstones.

— Dorothy in Virginia

DEAR DOROTHY: I agree.

Send questions via to askamy@tribune.com

Filed under: Lifestyles