Ask Amy

Thursday, August 20, 2009 at 11:45pm

DEAR AMY: My granddaughter graduated this year from high school. She will be attending college in the fall.

I had hoped that she would join a sorority. It doesn't matter to me if she joins the one I joined years ago.

She indicated that the system has a bad name and does not want to even give it a try. I think she may be wrong, but in your opinion, what is the general reputation of the system today?

My friends from college are still close friends, so I have a hard time thinking that things have changed that drastically.

—MollieBee

DEAR MOLLIEBEE: I don't think sororities have a bad name, though the Greek system has been through its ups and downs, and the reputation of the sorority or fraternity depends on the particular organization and the school.

Some sororities and fraternities are intended to be service organizations, though in general they seem to function mainly as clubs uniting students with common interests.

I know several people in sororities and fraternities, and they all say they are enjoying their friendships and value the affiliation.

Your granddaughter could find a sorority drawing young women though a particular academic interest, music or sports.

You have tried to influence her, and she is showing you that she is ready for college by declaring she will make her own decisions. That's the whole idea.


DEAR AMY: Besides waving a magic wand, how do you get over someone when your head says that the person wasn't right for you but your heart still hasn't acknowledged that fact?

I went out with a man for several months. I think both of us knew it wasn't the real deal, but I still wanted to keep trying.

He ended it; we remained friends. He said that he was going to move but wanted to see me before he left.

Well, he left without saying goodbye, which hurt.

I've seen on my caller ID that he has called a couple of times, but he didn't leave a message.

I haven't called back, and I am trying to move on.

How does a 50-plus woman find someone today?

I've tried Internet dating, but that hasn't been too productive, and I'm tired of friends telling me that when I least expect it, someone will just come into my life.

—Still Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: No one knows how to make love come — or stay. Sometimes love arrives after a methodical hard target search, and sometimes love arrives in the form of the contractor you hired to renovate your house because you finally accepted the idea that the only way to get a man in your living room is to pay him to knock out a wall — my now-husband and I just celebrated our first anniversary.

Like you, I had many years of dating and not dating, of trying too hard or not bothering.

My friends told me what your friends are telling you — that love arrives when you least expect it, but after years of not expecting it, I had to give up on that theory, too.

My best advice is for you to enjoy all of your relationships. Develop a vision of your future filled with friends and family, and try not to see it as a picture where something is missing.

Internet dating is useful because meeting new people keeps you practiced and polished, but it is time-consuming, too, and if you feel it is taking up too much time and energy, stop for a while and devote your energy to other useful or creative pursuits. An optimistic outlook is attractive, too—and even if you have to fake it from time to time, you should assume that your life will continue to unfold in surprising ways.

DEAR AMY:
"Confused Sister" wrote to you about her sister's desire to keep her colonoscopy private. You agreed that it should be kept private.

Doesn't this bolster the public's aversion to the idea of a colonoscopy?

Twenty-five years ago, a colonoscopy saved my life.

—Grateful Octogenarian

DEAR GRATEFUL:
Your testimony says it all. Thank you.

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