Ask Amy

Sunday, April 25, 2010 at 11:45pm

DEAR AMY: My daughter, who is a high school sophomore, has played lacrosse since she was 8 at a "travel team" level.

She recently tried out for her second year on JV after "swinging" to varsity last year.

The day the coaches announced the team, she was brought into the room with the two coaches and told that "she just doesn't have the genes" for the sport and she should "blame your mother."

They said she would be allowed to be the "leader for the JV team."

I'm not a big fan of the sport and although my daughter is disappointed, I'm sure she'll be fine, but I feel very offended by the statements and wonder if I should talk to the school administrators.

I'm sure he'll say this to another girl in the future, and that angers me.

I'm interested in your perspective.

— Concerned Mother

DEAR CONCERNED: My perspective is that this is a matter to take up with the coaches and not the school administration.

You should pay the coaches a visit and say, "Maybe my daughter has misunderstood your statement about her lacrosse skills." Then describe the conversation and ask the coaches to educate you further.

This statement was insensitive — and a little strange and insulting. Because you are the person whose genetics were called into question, it makes sense that you would ask for an explanation and give these coaches an opportunity to apologize.

It is the coaches' prerogative to assign players to teams, but your daughter should make sure she understands how her coaches define "leadership." They aren't displaying much.


DEAR AMY: I am a 17-year-old girl who has gotten herself into an awkward situation.

My mother gets her hair done at a very expensive salon and, as a surprise, offered to pay for me to have my hair done there by her stylist.

I went without my mom and the stylist was very flirty. At the end of my appointment, he asked me for my number. He's 24.

Mistake No. 1: I loved the attention, so I wrote my phone number on his tip.

When he actually called that night and asked me to meet him at a party in the city, I was totally taken aback and told him I was busy. He asked me to call him this weekend to set something else up.

I'm freaking out because I have absolutely no desire to ever go out with a man six years older who seems to think it's fine for a high school girl to meet up with him on a Thursday night in the city!

I can't tell my mom because he does her hair. I can never go back there. What if he calls again?

I have no idea how to handle the mess I made.

— Flirting Failure

DEAR FLIRTING: Of course you can tell your mom — and you should. We moms really don't like it when trusted adults hit on our daughters. I realize that many women absolutely love their hair stylists, but we love our daughters more. You can assume your mother will deal with him directly.

The mistake you made was to give out your number to someone who blinded you with implied flattery. You're a teenager, so let's consider this a rookie mistake. Don't do it again.

If this guy calls, tell him, "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. You're way too old for me. I only go out with guys my age."

The "you're way too old for me" line will give this obnoxious guy something to think about.


DEAR AMY: I was reading the letter from the teen who was worried about her mom's extreme mood swings.

When the family begins checking out reasons for this behavior, they should check into physical as well as mental reasons.

I was experiencing this type of behavior and was told it was all in my head. I endured several years before another doctor listened closely to me and said she thought she knew what was wrong. After lab work confirmed her suspicions, I was diagnosed as hyperthyroid and have been receiving treatment.

— Avid Reader

DEAR READER: Great suggestion. Thank you.

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com

Filed under: Lifestyles

1 Comment on this post:

By: dustywood on 4/26/10 at 7:09

Regarding concerned mother and her genes....I agree that the coach was tackless. But also may be right. The mother provides the mitocondrial (sp) genetic makeup of the cells. Depending on the energy provided by the cells, would indicate how well one does in a sport that requires a lot of activiy. Soccer, LaCross, field hockey, etc. This genetic powerhouse comes only from the mother, and is passed from mother to daughter. Slow "twitching" muscle cells would better place you in ice skating, where as fast "twitiching" muscle cells would put you on the hockey team. Basket ball is a fast game, baseball and foot ball are slower. So your enery cells determine how quickly you can use and recover your energy.
Maybe that is what the coach was trying to get accross. Either way, have fun with a sport. Don't make it your only life.