Navigate the lines of political correctness in the Envoy

Wednesday, August 22, 2001 at 1:00am

"Mr. President, Trent Lott here. Remember me? I used to be the Senate majority leader. You blew it, Dubya. How did you let that Jeffords thing happen? Whoever heard of James Jeffords anyway? You didn't even give him a nickname."

"Trent, shifts happen. Maybe I should've asked him down to my ranch in Texas. I was just there to see first twins, Barbara and Jenna. Have you seen that new 2002 GMC Envoy? Laura bought the girls a matched set. I drove theirs. You ought to get one, Trent. Smoother than Reagan in a press conference."

"Mr. President, what's so hot about global warming, tax cuts, prescription drugs? Tom Daschle took my job. Bummer. I cried, George."

"Listen, Trent. Envoy has a brand-new all-aluminum, 4.2-liter perfectly balanced inline six-cylinder engine. Runs like an electric motor. BMWs have them. It has a lot of advantages over a V-6 or V-8: it doesn't need balance shafts or vibration-canceling engine mounts. It's so smooth and quiet they had to put in a special ignition switch to keep people from trying to start it when it was already running. And it has a whopping 270 horsepower. That much power could stop Gov. Gray Davis from whining about California's energy crisis."

"Dubya, what about my crisis?"

"We're in a transition. Sport utility vehicles are getting more car-like and sacrificing SUV-ness. Envoy has ultra-refined luxury and still doesn't give up anything SUV-ish. Twist a button on the dash and choose two-wheel drive, automatic four-wheel drive, four-high or four-low. In automatic four-wheel drive, the Envoy decides for itself when extra traction is needed, such as slippery roads. And it has more comfort and convenience features than a

Filed under: Lifestyles